Beginning of something, just not sure yet

universes above me
miles and miles below
the past centuries behind me
the future never known......

lost

I need to step into the sunshine
leave the past and hurt behind
constantly tripping over my own feet
worried i'm not gonna be there in the next line
the tears glisten and sting a bit
the lump swells in my throat
its important that i keep my eyes open
and work on keeping myself afloat

random.....

walking down this long dirt road

trembling at the thought of losing everything

you come speeding by kicking up dust

but what i see is pent up emotions and complete loss of trust

the tears start falling as the sun goes down

it feels like you left me here to drown......

I came up with this little thingy the other day and set it as my FB status (tweaked a few words when i posted it here hehe)...... its a bit emo I know lol but I still liked it none the less :)

The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me, not to happy lately.

Went to a comic thing and saw one of my dearest friends (whom i haven't seen in forever) and had a little fun for once ^_^ good times!

Had a pretty severe health scare :( but thankfully it turned out to be nothing .....big release of stress there! I am the type of person who hates being a burden on others and the whole time i was thinking,
"god im gonna be even more of a burden if things go 'such and such' way"

Cancer scares the shit out of me.... My mother died while battling cancer and my grandmother is in remission from lymphoma (sp?) .....so knowing the two previous generations have had it doesnt leave much hope for me the way i see it LoL..... but that aside the whole ordeal worked out for the best ^_^

as for now, I'm still depressed, cooped up in the house with a nasty and annoying head cold....the kids are sick as well and i tried sushi today for the first time.....No idea what i ate but it definitely tasted ODD (o.o)*
okay im done for now just felt like venting a bit since im bored out of my mind

peace people ^_^ take care

blinded by the light
hidden by the darkness
the heart may not realize its might
when the winner has been chosen
windy, cold, and lonely
defeated by yourself
emotions running along the surface
with the journey and distance in and of itself
trying to regain the standing
but rocks they like to tumble
hoping to find a middle ground
to keep away the scary sounding crumbles

the sun shines brightest before the night falls....

My Lovely niece ^_^

I snapped this photo with my phone the other day, and I loved how it looked hehe.....I changed it to black and white (-ish) and left the ball original color (which was/is red)

To me the way shes looking off into the distance, it is almost as if she could be pondering life....thinking about what she will be when shes "bigger" as she will often tell me.... Of course the reality is that she was probably looking at a car or a random kid playing but the first example sounds better hehe

I often find myself doing this. I feel stuck in a circle of same things just different days. I often stare out my window at the moon. Some how it brings some sort of peace to my thoughts, even if its only for a minute. Something peaceful, something beautiful, something far away yet still longing to be admired.....okay added the dramatics there but its really how I think..... Haha.

Bleh I could go on babbling for hour upon hours but I won't I will end this with a quote:

For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

random late nite ramblings of a broken hearted fool

try not to worry about the tears I cry

it will always be fine just as long as you don't say "it's forever" with your goodbyes,

there's no excuse for my selfish ways

and I shouldn't hold you down from day to day

but the feelings in my heart make it impossible to walk away

Confessions of a stupid selfish drama queen LMAO!
I don't always think things through before I say them and today that backfired big time. My inability to fully trust someone (which includes myself) was brought to my attention earlier tonight. I have pride and yet at the same time I'm so quick to run away from a situation..... I have so many scars, so many demons and I have been using them as crutches for way tooooo long..... gah I should be sleeping its 4am ......but nope my brain has decided it wants to dwell on the happenings of the past few hours........ -sigh-
Will I ever truly be okay?
Will I be happy?
Will those I love and care about be happy?
Bleh I am starting to sound uber emo....but whatever I guess its better then holding this shit in until I bawl my eyes out some more ...okay I am done for now goodnight world

work in progress

late night ramblings before i fall asleep.....not sure how much sense it makes or what i will change LOL goodnight world

an eerie hush befalls the room
the stares become unbearable
splashing tears upon the floor
staining the beautiful marble
might as well forget "a happily ever after"
for there is no such thing
and we can only lay blame on those who really don't matter
pick up the pieces
with the shattered dreams in toe
try to find a shred of happiness
in the neverending darness below
when it all seems so bleak
you never know what happens
day to day.....
week to week......