random late nite ramblings of a broken hearted fool

try not to worry about the tears I cry

it will always be fine just as long as you don't say "it's forever" with your goodbyes,

there's no excuse for my selfish ways

and I shouldn't hold you down from day to day

but the feelings in my heart make it impossible to walk away

Confessions of a stupid selfish drama queen LMAO!
I don't always think things through before I say them and today that backfired big time. My inability to fully trust someone (which includes myself) was brought to my attention earlier tonight. I have pride and yet at the same time I'm so quick to run away from a situation..... I have so many scars, so many demons and I have been using them as crutches for way tooooo long..... gah I should be sleeping its 4am ......but nope my brain has decided it wants to dwell on the happenings of the past few hours........ -sigh-
Will I ever truly be okay?
Will I be happy?
Will those I love and care about be happy?
Bleh I am starting to sound uber emo....but whatever I guess its better then holding this shit in until I bawl my eyes out some more ...okay I am done for now goodnight world

work in progress

late night ramblings before i fall asleep.....not sure how much sense it makes or what i will change LOL goodnight world

an eerie hush befalls the room
the stares become unbearable
splashing tears upon the floor
staining the beautiful marble
might as well forget "a happily ever after"
for there is no such thing
and we can only lay blame on those who really don't matter
pick up the pieces
with the shattered dreams in toe
try to find a shred of happiness
in the neverending darness below
when it all seems so bleak
you never know what happens
day to day.....
week to week......

The ZOOOOOOOO

Hahahaha went to the Columbus Zoo the other day with my nephews preschool class......

WOW!!! It has been years since I have been there...but it was a fun day with the kids and my sister (minus the occasional arguments, but thats a normal day for us lol)

Saw almost all the animals there, except a few and tooooook way tooo many pictures lol.....but I have posted a few ( the one above is my niece and I at the bears....)


Both tigers in the enclosure were napping but they are still my faves :D


She was chillin on the rock, being lazy in the sun hehe


He looked like he was sad, and wanted out of there sooo bad ....poor guy


Haha the kids at the start of the day, it took forever to get a halfway decent picture lol gotta love them :)

blah blah blah

Been a while since I have really posted anything ...I have been kinda up and down, all around lately and I sort of forgot to keep posting....not that anyone really reads this Haha.....but yeah I will get back to it soon hopefully lol

much love to anyone who actually reads my junk haha :D

Happy Birthday to Me

Welp it is offffffical .... I, yes I am 27 years old today. Bleh....... boy where has time gone?

I am now the age my mother was when she passed away.....i know its odd but its sort of a milestone for me....I hope I make it past this year and that its a better one then last year....but only time will tell

Well here is a toast to 27 with best wishes and all that blah blah to myself haha

Its funny not really doing much at all for my birthday, I am such a homebody LMAO

a couple random thoughts/poems

burning souls forgotten
bright nights and darkened days
forever wandering
lost to all the old ways
love and cherish
worries that it will all just perish
they keep me in this constant state
i wish to break free
but its all just too much for me

---------------------------------------------------

this life reminds me of the fall swept leaves
falling and blowing
getting beaten up by the breeze
only to rest upon the ground
they will surely be replaced once spring comes around
will this pain linger?
i don't know
i want to find that light
and continuously grow
up to the sky
try to fly high
cherish the time i have
so that it may not all seem so bad

Nephews Birthday!!!

ahhhhh today my nephew turned six years old !! Talk about craaaaaaaazy ...... HeHe

It is really strange watching him grow up more and more each day. I was at the hospital the night he was born and have been with him ever since (minus the time the sister lived away but even then I still saw him) It is quite weird how much he can act like me >.< whether it be burping/farting or just being all lovey/cuddly, he brightens the room well unless hes being super bratty but even then its hard to stay mad lol....... I feel that way about both my nephew and niece and even my little cousin, watching them grow is something I would never wanna give up not even for all the money in the world... I LOVE my family sooooo much ...... I don't want to be without them......same goes for those select few super close friends who are irreplaceable to me....I don't know what I would do without them in my life

the photo is from the nephews party :D he was sooooo happy about his dino cake